It’s Okay To Acknowledge Parental Fatigue
It’s Okay To Acknowledge Parental Fatigue
Parenting a child on the spectrum isn’t easy, and today’s TRAC tips can help you accept and
address parental fatigue.
Being a parent is a challenge. Being a parent of a child on the autism spectrum is doubly so.
Spending the vast majority of your physical and emotional energy invested in your child can
leave you feeling run down, burnt out, and wondering if you’re doing the best for the ones you
love the most. While we like to push these feelings to the side and pretend they don’t exist,
today is the day to accept that you need a break and learn to work toward your own personal
goals.
What Is Parental Fatigue?
Parental fatigue, which is often called parental burnout, is characterized by feelings of
frustration, physical exhaustion, loss of productivity, and, as the Choosing Therapy blog
explains, potential detachment from your own child. Left unchecked, parental fatigue can easily
turn into chronic depression.
Causes
While your unique situation may have different causes, many parents find that parental burnout
is triggered by taking on too much and a lack of support. Further, a child with autism may have
an unpredictable (or even problematic) sleep schedule, which can leave you awake through the
night when what your body needs is rest. Another significant cause of parental fatigue is the fact
that many children with autism don’t accept and will not respect personal boundaries. Autistic
Mama explains there are many reasons for this, including lack of comprehension, capability,
capacity, and choice, which she dubs the Four Cs. While you are no doubt compassionate,
having your personal space breached all the time is an understandable cause of frustration.
What You Can Do
Battling parental fatigue means arming yourself with information and giving yourself permission
to move forward with what you might perceive as selfish endeavors. If you’ve noticed that you
consider caregiving more of a burden, you have little social support, and you feel less effective
as a parent, it’s time to make changes. This might include:
Setting new personal goals.
Our personal goals give us something to look forward to that is not dependent upon the actions
or abilities of others. One suggestion here is to change jobs. This might entail sprucing up your
resume (there are plenty of free online tools for this that let you customize everything from your
experience to photos) and looking for a new position. Another option is to start your own
business. If you go this route, you’ll want to read up on local rules and save money and time by
skipping the attorney’s office and filing your LLC online using a formation service.
Looking for inspiration.
We see inspiration in the smiles of our children, but these are more difficult to acknowledge
when we are dealing with parental burnout or fatigue. Look for inspiration and a promise that
your child will, with your support and guidance, eventually grow into an independent young
person. A few famous names with an official spectrum diagnosis include Dan Aykroyd, Susan
Boyle, and Daryl Hannah.
As a parent, and especially the parent of a child on the autism spectrum, one of your goals is to
make deep and meaningful connections with your children. Unfortunately, when you overinvest
in this endeavor, you may be too depleted to make it a reality. Give yourself permission to step
back from your role, if only temporarily, so that you can fuel your own needs. This might mean
starting a new LLC, getting a new job, or simply seeking inspiration from those who are where
your child will soon be. Whatever you choose to do, leave the guilt at the door, and know that
taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to take care of your children.
